Connection is a light in the darkness

Guest post by Emily Olsen

A year ago this week, I shared a stage with two brave souls to talk about my mental health experience. Five months after that, I hosted a mental health storytelling event called the Connection Project. Three months after that, a documentary about the Connection Project was released on YouTube. This Sunday, Mother’s Day, I am running a 10K mental health fundraiser with my husband and son.

Some days I wonder why I’ve chosen to be public about my most private world—my mind. I’ve shared personal stories of the places I run to for safety, the arena that permits agony, grief, terror, and self-hatred. The realms of deep loneliness and disconnect. The thoughts and attempts of suicide—shared without stigma or shame.

The sun is shining today—outside and in. I feel happy. I survived my very first winter since I was 15 without sinking into a debilitating depression of despair and darkness. I can now talk about this subject all day, any day, because I healed myself of the mental disease that plagued me for 25 years.

I hesitate to be prescriptive but feel compelled to share my magic pill. I could speak about the discipline of meditation: the universe’s gift of silence and breath in harmony. I could scream from the mountain tops about the need for proper and truthful examination of our day-to-day lives—mindfulness in all we eat, consume and surround ourselves with. I could offer that to eradicate all addictions, to exercise, and to seek therapy will result in freedom. I could remind you of the importance of being in and with nature. These are all good practices, every single one of them. But to really fix, to truly heal, I had to surrender. Fully.

Opening up…

When I began to openly discuss my experiences, something very strange happened. People seemed to get closer, curious even. It was as if I gave them permission to be honest and to engage in deeper conversations about their own experiences or how their loved-one struggles with such-and-such a disorder. The more I shared, the more people connected with me. I received private messages, emails, texts, and phone calls. I met strangers for coffee or lunch. Soon, these strangers became friends, and through these new relationships, I witnessed something spectacular yet simple: Connection, real human connection, possessed healing properties.

Connection, the opposite of isolation, was a light in the darkness.

My lightbulb moment came as a result of this. Through connecting with others and sharing similar stories, those dark corners finally saw the light of day.

I fought my thought-demons for many years, thinking there was something wrong with them. They fought back and won over and over again. More than two decades in battle, it was exhausting. The hallucinations that got me admitted to a psych ward in my early 20’s were horrible, but so were some thoughts I had last week. The difference is the light I now possess because of connection through shared experience. Whenever something feels too difficult to handle, too terrifying to face, I just let it be there and remember I am not alone. I strike a match to my fears and walk bravely forward.

In late June, I will host a meeting to discuss plans for the second Connection Project coming Fall 2019.